I Have A Time Machine
Also, why do I write? a question that needs an answer
After seriously throwing away a year and a half without hard work, I finally have a goal. I have absolutely zero ideas If I am going to complete my aim or not but I know one thing that I am happy.
Previously when I used to switch on my Laptop when I used to feel empty or as if it was something materialistic I was chasing. A dopamine rush driving me to enjoy my life.
At the end of the day, I could smell guilt on my neck. I used to think I wasn’t making full use of my body. My life became meaningless day by day. I couldn’t even recognize who I was working for in the mirror.
Now I work on my goal for 5 to 6 hours completely focused, making mistakes, and struggling to arrive at what I want. I do make mistakes, get stressed all the time, or even feel like I am much behind compared to everybody else in my life. In the end, I feel happy as if at that moment I have the right for me to be happy. Happiness is made for me. Even when I watch a show or enjoy it a little I feel like I deserve it at least.
I know I have to work more hard from now on as the procrastinated days are not coming back even for me. But I know right now from the bottom that I am doing the right thing. People won’t know this feeling until they try this on their own.I myself watched for a year.
Why Do I write?
I have a terrible memory, I agree that I take for granted all the relationships I have. It’s all because of my memory combined with my feelings. By writing every day I can become familiar or reconnect with the day I realized that why hard work is so important, or should I talk more sweetly to somebody, and how I should appreciate my father’s feelings.
Writing for me is like a time machine for my feelings. We are all like it and tend to forget our decisions or time table or even the purpose of our lives sometimes. Feelings in our life are momentary but conserving them in such a way that they will help us make the right decision in the future is what I would call writing is for.
